I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
