I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
