loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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