Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
