ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I need moral support for this bender
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
