I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
