So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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