He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
