I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
