meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
