apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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