I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
