Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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