just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Is it because I queefed?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
