the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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