I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
