I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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