I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
