i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
