You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
