hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
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