Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Mom said you looked used
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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