I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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