booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
