Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
