today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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