Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
