If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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