Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
