My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
