I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
