Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
