sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize