She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
