Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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