I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
