theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Will exercising make me less horny?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
