I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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