It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
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I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
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I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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