And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
