??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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