Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
