i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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