And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
