The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
