I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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