dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
