I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
