Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
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Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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