You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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