She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
