we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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