how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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