wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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