Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
