Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
A+ Viking dick
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
